The Secret to Great Social Interactions

 I titled this "A Secret to Great Social Interactions" because I feel like this is what most people don't look at when it comes to having great social interactions. It actually comes down to knowing what to say or what to do or not do in a given situation, which sounds really simple. As you're listening to this, you're probably thinking, "Oh, well, yeah, totally." We often think the reason we don't do this, or we don't know how to, is because we feel anxious or believe we're dumb or not intelligent enough. We hold various beliefs, but that's really not the case.

This became clear to me when I was learning something called pushing hands. It's basically a sensitivity exercise where you have someone pushing on you, and initially, you can even do it with your eyes closed. It's really interesting because it reveals where we hold stiffness in our body. As you learn to relax and allow yourself to move with the push, flowing with your body's natural movements, you start experiencing peace within your body. Initially, though, you might feel violated, awkward, or not good enough—you'll encounter many different emotions.

As you begin moving parts of your body you previously couldn't, these emotions that were always getting in the way begin to release. You gain significant insights about social interactions because physical interactions are indeed a type of social interaction—one of the most primitive kinds, similar to martial arts, boxing, or sports. It's a language, part of our fundamental being.

As you become more aware of your movements and how you interact physically with others, you realize that the emotions arose because you couldn't move freely. This realization changes how you see the world—you start seeing it in terms of flow versus non-flow. You realize the issues we face come from a lack of flow in that moment. If we learn how to flow, the issue disappears.

Typically, we think this lack of flow is caused by something external, like a past experience or emotion, which is partly true. But once you safely start learning new movements, you gain insights into the moments when you got stuck or experienced trauma, and these become safely apparent. As you learn to move the way you wished you could have, both in past events and more recent ones, you begin to flow naturally again.

We notice that the movements we lack now remind us of past moments when we couldn't move freely. Once you realize this, you stop fixating on the past and become more present, focusing on how you want to move instead of why you're stuck. If you focus solely on why you're stuck, you're not exploring new ways to move. To bring about new movement, you must explore until something works. Making the process safe through patience, slowing down, and simplifying your movements helps you develop focused, relaxed awareness, allowing exploration while feeling your entire body.

The reason I emphasize the entire body is because we often unknowingly tense other areas, restricting movement elsewhere. Relaxing the whole body makes it a safe and enjoyable exercise. Teaching people to relax and move in new ways, discovering movements they never knew possible, brings genuine joy—it's like seeing adults become children again.

This free movement is present in all social interactions, including speaking, which involves your lungs, breathing apparatus, mouth, throat, diaphragm, and ultimately your entire body. We say we speak with our hands, but truly, we speak with our entire body. Realizing this is crucial because when you're tense, it affects your communication.

When people have difficulties in social interactions, I talk with them to see what's happening physically. It's fascinating to observe that as people recall stuck moments, their body assumes that shape again. By helping them notice tension in their body—such as the shoulders—they realize they’ve been doing this subconsciously since childhood.

If you're having difficult social interactions, I suggest writing down these memories and exploring your body's sensations, emotions, and thoughts during these moments. As you write, allow yourself to fully experience these feelings and begin relaxing the tension. This process helps release memories and emotions.

As your body moves into positions you prefer, unwanted feelings start releasing, creating significant shifts. Exploring what you wish you'd said highlights the importance of precise wording. Initially, your first responses might stem from hurt feelings. Writing them down helps clarify your true thoughts and feelings, allowing you to move beyond reactive responses.

This process is developmental. You might first express anger or hurt fully. After releasing these emotions, reconsider your initial reactions—you'll likely realize they're not genuinely representative of your true feelings. As your body relaxes, your perspective shifts, helping you articulate your genuine feelings better.

People often find more clarity and context through this iterative process, realizing misunderstandings arose from their interpretations rather than others' intentions. Recognizing this helps you communicate authentically, creating more freedom and reducing internal issues.

By consistently practicing this, you effectively re-parent yourself, cultivating the social interactions you've desired. You learn the bodily movements, postures, and wording that reflect your true self. This practice enhances your sensitivity to others' movements and wording, helping you become more attuned and comfortable in social situations.

You begin naturally adjusting your communication in real-time, openly exploring your thoughts, feelings, and words. This openness creates relaxed, effective interactions. The key is knowing what to say or do, stemming from body awareness and desired sensations.

Initially, explore these concepts through writing rather than just thinking. Writing down clarifies feelings and wording significantly more than mental rehearsal. While people often resist writing, they quickly discover its effectiveness once they start.

I wanted to explain this concept of pushing hands—verbal, emotional, and energetic—and viewing communication as movement. Explore if speaking feels comfortable and effortless, right for your body.

Finally, learn from others who embody social interactions you admire. Observe their language, body language, and tone, then practice privately. Journaling and mirror practice create a safe laboratory to discover and refine your authentic social style.

With this, I wish you happy exploring and finding your unique social style. Thank you.